Wandering Wondering

Every day, except Wednesday, M wakes up at 6:00 am with the rest of the family. The little girl whimpers. She wishes to continue sleeping. Her mother heads for the kitchen and I can hear the clang of utensils. The M's mother steps into MY compound to go to THEIR garden to pluck flowers for her puja. The girl protests. Whines. The father yells. The mother yells. The grandmother placates. Then she too yells. So starts a new day for another average Indian family.

Soon the child will be driven to school. The wife will make breakfast. The grandmother will perform puja. The husband will get ready to go to work. Every day is the same. Except Wednesday. It's a holiday. For the father and the child. The wife has to go about starting the day. The grandmother ensures that she does. She wants her fist cup of tea. Perhaps she loves her daughter-in-law. Perhaps she is taking revenge on her own mother-in-law. How else do you explain why a woman who was a daughter-in-law mistreated in turn mistreats her own daugher-in-law? Or is it just possessiveness? How dare you take away what is mine -- my son?

I'm glad I don't live this way. I wake up early. Even before my neighbours wake up. But I don't have to. Maybe that's why I'm up bright and early. I could sleep for a few more minutes or hours. Who would care? Perhaps if I slept too late, the maid would get worried. Maybe the neighbours too: they are used to hearing me pray. I pray aloud because I like to hear the sound of the shlokas. The sound fills up the empty spaces and drives away the aloneness. Mind you, not loneliness. I don't feel lonely.  I do feel alone.

I know I am alone because I can eat breakfast when I want. Watch TV if I wish to. Listen to any music I prefer. I know I am alone, because no one really cares what I'm up to -- unless of course it effects their life in any way. To find out sometimes I play a game. I don't call. And my phone never rings. I often wonder how long it will be before people discover that I've been dead? Who cares? I won't be there!

Monday Morning Colours

It's a quarter past eight in the morning. It already seems I've been awake for ages! But yes, I've been up for a while. I've been to the toilet, had a shower, done my pranayam and asans, listened to a morning raag by Pandid Jasraj and I've been at my workdesk for the past 30 minutes. Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I spent a while reading the papers, had breakfast too!

Most people are probably getting ready to go to work now. They'll spend anything between 30 to 60 minutes and perhaps even more commuting to work. Thank God, I'm spared all that. If time hangs heavy on my hands, I can always go to the project or to Kolkata. Though, I must admit, in this weather, I don't feel like going anywhere -- not even to the market to buy provisions. The mornings are scorching and humid, the evenings are hot and humid. It has started raining now and then. But these are brief showers that act more like water sprinkled on hot stones in a sauna. And humidity is something I just can't stand. I'm about to go crazy despite yoga and meditation!

The mosquitos here are a menace! They are killing me slowly by sucking up all my blood! I may be saving money by not smoking. But I am certainly spending an equivalent amount on mosquito repellents that don't seem to work!A friend advised me to keep changing the brand of repellent as the mosquitos get acclamatized to a brand very quickly! Unbelievable? Come to Bolpur and I will show you that he's possibly correct!

The worst part is that I don't feel inspired to do anything. I don't feel like going out at all. And even indoors, all I feel like doing is sleep, sleep, sleep just to get away from this heat. Can I really continue to live in Bolpur? Was I not better off in Roldih or Kolkata. Yes, travelling to and fro was very tiring. Bolpur seemed like a good option. Also, it seemed an ideal place to start some new work. But now I'm not so sure. Computer Courses and Spoken English classes have sprung up all over the place overnight!

Anyway, it's 8:30 am now, though for me it seems like afternoon already! Time to watch  TV and catch up with all the latest news..... more scams and killings and the stupid antics of our politicians who make issues out of non issues and sweep the real issues under the carpet.

Those Whispers

Those whispers
Sometimes they caress my hair
Grey and thinning
Once proud and black

Those whispers
Warm breath upon my chest
Turn to drops of sweat
And crawl down my skin

Those whispers
The clanging in my ears
Mostly lost in monotony
At times deafening

Those whispers
Once slipped past parted petals
And pearls in rows
Now lost as if unuttered